Infertility Journey

By Lashelle Chaffins

At the age of 32 I was at the highlight of my life. Newly married, starting a new job, and excited for my future of being a wife and soon to be mother.  Our conception plan was to wait a year and start trying in the fall of 2015.  Although the plan was to “wait” we did not try to prevent having a child. I started to grow a little concerned after not conceiving 6 months into our marriage, so I started doing a little research.

I soon realized, I didn’t really know much about what it takes to actually conceive a child.  It is truly a miracle! 

I decided to get serious and purchased an ovulation kit and began tracking by cycle, along with some of the other tricks like holding your legs in the air for 10 minutes after sex!  I figured that we just had the timing off all along, and pregnancy would be here in no time.

Fast forward 6 months and we hit our one-year anniversary – still not pregnant.  This is when I started to think something might be wrong.

As I continued researching, I came across the diagnosis of “infertility”.  I didn’t have any known health issues or reproductive issues and neither did my husband.

Absolutely no one in my family had ever had any issues conceiving so I wasn’t considering that to be our case. More doubt started to settle in as I reminded myself that I’d actually never tried to get pregnant or had been pregnant before. What if I couldn’t have children? So, I decided to make an appointment with a fertility specialist to figure out if we had any underlying issues.  My husband and I went through a series of tests and no issues were found so we were diagnosed with “unexplained infertility”.  It was recommended that we try for 3-4 more months and if we were unsuccessful, we should immediately start the IUI or IVF process. 

We decided that since no underlying issues were found, we would continue trying and wait for God to bless us with a child.  At this point we felt happy that no issues were found, but I honestly felt even more confused. 

This confusion led me to start digging further into the world of infertility which ultimately led me down my natural fertility journey.

I begin a two year journey of researching everything concerning fertility and begin to apply what I’d learn into my life, but two years later, still no pregnancy. I was now 35 and we just had our 3-year anniversary.  I was growing more inpatient and worried. Asking myself if God really has children in store for us?  I was also growing tired of people asking, when is the baby coming? In moments of feeling discouraged, I leaned in greatly on my husband and he constantly reminded me of a very important scripture from the Bible “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not to your own understanding” (Proverbs 3:5).

As I continued to learn and incorporate a more holistic lifestyle I grew more fascinated about using food and plants as my medicine.

In fall of 2018, I decided to end my study and attended a 6 month herbal program which really enhanced my knowledge on healing my body naturally. I begin researching the benefits of various practices such as acupuncture, vaginal steaming, and womb massages. At the time, I met a doula and was quickly drawn to the idea of supporting women during pregnancy and birth; and especially black women who suffer from birth disparities.  I decided that I wanted to make it official and completed my doula training in the fall of 2019!  In Spring of 2019, I also begin taking yoga classes at a local studio which in a nutshell helped to sooth my mind, body, and soul!  This is when I begin to truly have faith and fully release my conception to God. 

In this moment, my priority shifted from wanting to learn more to help myself, to wanting to learn more to help others. 

So in addition to becoming a doula in Fall of 2019, I also began my journey to become a certified yoga instructor because I could see the benefits that yoga brought to my life and I wanted to share it with others.  Needless to say, 2019 was a busy year for me. By November 2019 it was time for a break!  My husband and I went on an 8-day cruise and a few weeks after returning I received the most unexpected shock of my life. I was pregnant!  After 5 years, our time had finally come. 

The infertility journey can be a lonely and trying journey, but it can also be rewarding. 

For me, I learned so much about myself, and the woman’s body as a whole.  I’ve met and developed relationships with some amazing people over the years, all because of my infertility.  It has all truly been a blessing and I can honestly say I felt that way even before conceiving.  One of the most important lessons I’ve learned is not to wait for things to begin in fear or with anxiety.  Instead, use this this time to learn something new, help someone in need, pick up a new hobby, etc. 

I didn’t realize my path as it was happening, but my journey has been one of self-discovery and growth, and I know this journey is not mine alone.  It was necessary so that I could help others. When I look back at the beginning of my journey, I went to seek medical assistance to find out if there were any underlying issues. Although nothing was found medically, what about other underlying issues? What about underlying issues that we could be harboring in our mind, body, and spirit? 

I believe that having a healthy and balanced mind, body and spirit are just as important as medically identified reproductive issues. I encourage anyone who is struggling with infertility to seek medical assistance, but also take time to create balance between the mind, body and spirit. 

Be strong in your faith and hope; have a support person or group you can talk to; and continue to live your life during your wait.